The Murray family, Matthew, Luke and Daniel, back row, with parents John and Sue at Jamie’s memorial seat
By Sally Bird
SOME days are OK for Sue Murray.
But the pain of the loss of Jamie, the second eldest of her and husband John’s four boys in December 2006 to an unexplained cause, is just below the surface, almost palpable.
“I remember thinking I’d never be able to cope, but I am. I guess,” Sue Murray said.
“Some days I think I’m accepting the unacceptable and other days I think it’s a dream that I can wake up from.
“I think of the future and it’s not how I imagined it to be. I think that’s the hardest part,” Ms Murray said.
Jamie, 21, had been feeling sick for 18 months and despite numerous visits to the doctors and attempts to modify his diet, the cause of the intermittent vomiting was never determined.
“When he was well he was fine but then he’d be sick with vomiting,” Ms Murray said.
He had reached the point where he’d rather visit his mum than the doctor.
“He was here at 7am in the morning. He was supposed to be at work and he was feeling sick, so he came here, but by 6pm he was gone,” Ms Murray said.
“He wouldn’t go to the doctors. He’d been and been and been, so he took a bath and that was it,” said the distraught mother.
After a four-month investigation by the Coroner’s Office the family was invited in for a meeting to see if they could shed any light on the baffling death, to no avail.
“If it was a car accident or an (explained) sickness, you’d feel the same, that the future’s not what you expected, but it’s harder to take when you don’t know,” she said.
“Sometimes I think I wish it was a car accident, but at least (this way) he wasn’t in pain. When I found him in the bath I could see he wasn’t in pain. From a selfish point of view at least, if they have to go, don’t let them be in pain,”
The family home has a tribute to Jamie, in the lounge room where his favourite things are displayed – the Uncle Fester lamp he bought during a trip to Frankston Market with his grandmother, photographs and his framed leaf from the Tree of Life.
“Because they never found out what he died from, they could not use his organs for donations to other people, so they used his tissue for research,” Ms Murray said.
She said the donation of all organ donors to the Victorian Institute of Forensic Medicine is marked by a leaf added to the Tree of Life and one year later, all donors are presented with their leaf in a very moving ceremony.
A memorial seat to Jamie, placed overlooking the Pearcedale Football Club ground a short time after his death, was accidentally set on fire on his birthday in June. (News, 19 June 2008).
The family believes friends may have left burning candles on the seat overnight, sparking the fire. It has now been repaired and replaced at the ground.
Ms Murray said she was pleased the seat has been repaired so they now have a place to go where they have so many good memories of Jamie.
“We sit on the seat and watch the footy where Jamie played both junior and senior football, or listen to the primary school children play. Some days are quiet with just the birds,” Ms Murray said.
Ms Murray said she had gained a lot of support from a support group called Compassionate Friends, for parents who have lost a child. It meets once a month in the area.
Anyone interested in contacting Compassionate Friends can call 9888 4944.
